Mind the Gap

Thanks to everyone for bringing in 2009 with me. (And for keeping me up to 3 AM--that has to be some kind of record!) It's way late (or is it way early?) but the combo of brownie, ice cream, and lots of fun has my heart and head going a little too quickly for me to fall asleep quite yet.

My old swim coach used to say that New Year's Resolutions are for losers and wimps. Why do you need it to be a new year to make a resolution when you should have just made the change happen at the recognition of the problem? Well sorry, Dave (that's his name), but I just have my two cents to say today about the upcoming year...would it help if I called them reflections instead of resolutions?!

I don't think I have a set list of resolutions, so maybe my coach would let me slide. These are things I've already thought about and tried to work on (without much success, I think)...but I'll use Jan 1st as my reason for sharing with you all. Disclaimer: remember that thing I was talking about, with the "gaps" in my entries? The holes/vague descriptions etc...? If you are planning on reading beyond this point, please be prepared for many gaps. (I feel like maybe a road sign would be appropriate here. Or maybe "Mind the Gap" for Jen. http://thecoyote.altervista.org/_altervista_ht/2005-04-10__Mind_The_Gap_.JPG )

It's been an eventful year, certainly. I am struck by a question Anne posed today at the diner... Do people change in college? I think someone asserted "yes" right away. I know that throughout college I myself have felt that yes, yes people do change in college. I've pointed out the ways in my head, pondered about how those changes affected me, sometimes been bitter about the changes that occurred around me. But what about me? Did I change in college? Did other people see this change, were they worried or bitter about the things I said or did differently? I was so caught up in being miserable about the changes around me that I failed to notice that I, too, had changed and that this warranted more attention than I gave it.

...And hence the resolutions step in. There are a million things I'm not satisfied with when it comes to who I am, but a lot of the issues stem from this balance of who I am and who others are to me. For one, I want to treat people better. This means a lot of things to me...i.e. being more appreciative of those people I take for granted, recalling what I adore about people I've forgotten how to love, reaching out to people I'd like to consider close but fail to communicate with, or relearning how to truly love everyone for what they're worth. (Did all of those make sense to you? Did you think one of them in particular applied to you? It might have, so don't rule that out.)

I'm too tired to think anymore...so I'll have to call it quits at that, for now. But I thank all of you for standing by me all these years. I should give advance thanks, too, because I am confident that you will be by me in the years to come. Will you forgive me for the mistakes I've made and continue laughing, crying, talking, playing, living by my side? =) <3 Happy New Year, all y'all.